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about

As implied in the title, this is the first in what is actually a two-part song, which is inspired by my experience with addiction.

As a songwriting exercise, I had decided to try and write a breakup song, in spite of the fact that break ups are (hopefully!) a thing of the past for me. This coincided with a time when I felt so unworthy to be around anyone, and felt sick of my own company, because of my struggle. I was the prodigal son, head hanging heavy with shame, desperately trying to find my way back home. I would've given ANYthing to go back in time and change my decisions. The intensity of my self-loathing and my impossible wish was building to an eruption point, and with tears streaming down my face I wrote these words:

Take me back to where it all started
And I will fix this from the moment it began
And if I can't change how it all turns out
Please, take me back as I am

It was a plea to myself; to fight the self-perceived worthlessness and to accept myself as I am: a flawed human being doing his level best with the life he has. Thankfully, I have had wonderful support from family and good friends during my journey, and have felt the undeserved embrace of a Father who doesn't care what I'd done, so long as I made it back home.

lyrics

Something I wish I could say to yesterday
Please don’t forget about tomorrow
I was living life with no thought for the choices
I was finding my voice without thinking of what I should say

Autumn leaves bring my past to the present
Memories incessant, they’re calling my name
Black and white Chuck Taylors, and that old leather jacket
Little did I know that I wasn’t ready for the coming years of shame
And no one else to blame

Take me back to where it all started
But I can fix this from the moment it began
And if I can’t change how it all turns out
Please take me back, take me back,
Take me back as I am

I was young, I was living for the moment
Like an angsty, adolescent acoustic song
Before I knew it I had lost all direction
A long way from home, and ashamed to admit I was wrong
And I’ve been out here for so long

Somehow it feels like I’m losing who I was
Is there still time, or am I
Gone, long gone?

Will you take me back, even though I’m not perfect
Will you take me back, in spite of where I’ve been
What’s done is done, nothing can change that
But can I start over again?

Take me back, take me back as I am

credits

from The Home I Know - Front Porch Edition, released January 27, 2023

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John Elwood Morgan Logan, Utah

The musical confluence of Appalachian sunrises and western desert sunsets. Stay a while and swap some stories with The Sleepy-eyed Songster.

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